I was given a small percentage that he (the doctor) was wrong. I had blood drawn. The levels went down. I didn't spot. My hopes went up. I started spotting. My heart sank. I clung to the hope and knowledge that my Savior could do anything. I knew in my heart, that if it was His will, He would put a heartbeat where the doctor had found none. He had done it before (that's another story).
His will was to take my third born child home to Him. On January 12, 2007 I gave birth to a child I will never know. I will never have a face (except in my dreams) to envision.
I did take my little baby (which unfortunately looked like a mass of tissue) and swaddled him in a blue corduroy blanket. I know that may seem odd to some, but he was my baby. I couldn't discard him like he was nothing. How these arms still long for him and this heart aches for him, but the peace that God provides has been my foundation.
There is a song that spoke to me throughout my "storm" and it still continues to speak to me, for in everything my life here on earth may endure, I will always Praise Him in the storms of life.
This is my story. Abijah's journal has become my prayer journal because, through his short life, I learned more how to fully rely on God and have faith in His will and not my own. I made a promise to God. That promise was that if through my loss I could be able to minister to others that He use me for whatever He wanted. So, God please use me.
You can read more about Abijah and Chandra's Journey over at her blog.