Abijah's Story

There are many women God has placed in my life who have experienced the pain of losing a child. I don't believe that is by accident. He has given us each other to walk through life together. It is my desire to share some of their stories here on Healing Hope from time to time. My prayer is that God will use their stories to provide hope and healing in the life of others. Today, I share with you the story of Abijah and his mother Chandra. This is my dear nephew and sister-in-law. I love them both more than they know. May you be blessed through her willingness to share this testimony.

I Will Praise You In This Storm

by Chandra, Abijah's Mother

On December 22, 2006 my whole life changed. That was the day I heard some of the most awful words a mother could ever hear, "I'm not seeing a heartbeat". What happened next all happened so fast and is still in slow motion every time I think about it.

I was given a small percentage that he (the doctor) was wrong. I had blood drawn. The levels went down. I didn't spot. My hopes went up. I started spotting. My heart sank. I clung to the hope and knowledge that my Savior could do anything. I knew in my heart, that if it was His will, He would put a heartbeat where the doctor had found none. He had done it before (that's another story).

His will was to take my third born child home to Him. On January 12, 2007 I gave birth to a child I will never know. I will never have a face (except in my dreams) to envision.

I did take my little baby (which unfortunately looked like a mass of tissue) and swaddled him in a blue corduroy blanket. I know that may seem odd to some, but he was my baby. I couldn't discard him like he was nothing. How these arms still long for him and this heart aches for him, but the peace that God provides has been my foundation.

There is a song that spoke to me throughout my "storm" and it still continues to speak to me, for in everything my life here on earth may endure, I will always Praise Him in the storms of life.

Praise You In This Storm

words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms

I was sure by now, God, that You would have reached down,

and wiped our tears away,

stepped in and saved the day.

But once again, I say amen

and it's still raining

as the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper through the rain,

"I'm with you"

and as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise

the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm

and I will lift my hands

for You are who You are

no matter where I am

and every tear I've cried

You hold in your hand

You never left my side

and though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry to You

and raised me up again

my strength is almost gone how can I carry on

if I can't find You

and as the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

and as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise

the God who gives and takes away

I lift my eyes onto the hills

where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

I lift my eyes onto the hills

where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

This is my story. Abijah's journal has become my prayer journal because, through his short life, I learned more how to fully rely on God and have faith in His will and not my own. I made a promise to God. That promise was that if through my loss I could be able to minister to others that He use me for whatever He wanted. So, God please use me.

You can read more about Abijah and Chandra's Journey over at her blog.